Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
