so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
