you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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