I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
When did angry sex become our thing?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
