i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
