It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I party with great urgency now.
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