Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
