I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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