he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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