apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
