Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
