I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
