you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Randomize
