The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
