Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
