My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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