Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
