Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize