Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
