My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
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