awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Randomize
