in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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