Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
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