pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
