I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Randomize
