my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Randomize
