i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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