Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Houston, we have a squirter
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
