Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
