i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
