There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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