i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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