if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
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