This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
