Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
