haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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