So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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