Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
