how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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