Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Randomize
