i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize