how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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