I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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