this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
