Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Randomize
