I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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