I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Randomize
