yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
