Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Randomize
