Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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