we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
