Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
It's Friday. Sex?
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
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