Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
