Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
