Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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