Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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