a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
