shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
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