my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
