sarcasm needs its own font
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
