Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I want to make a zoo with you.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
