my mouth tastes like poor choices
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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