why didn't you poke me back
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Randomize
