I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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