Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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