I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
