I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
