I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
apparently the secret to your success is patron
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
