OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
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