32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
