it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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