my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
