i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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