dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
