OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Bring me that man meat
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize