I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
