i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
