Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
