Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
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