i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
