Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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