My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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