My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
