Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
