If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
You are the jesus of drinking
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize