Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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