Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
