bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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