I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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