last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Randomize