I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
