I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
