Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
