She's JV to your varsity
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
