mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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