i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
