I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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