just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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