he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
