Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
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