well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
